An Open Letter to Kari Bales, Wife of Soldier Accused of 16 Afghan Deaths

writingUpdate: for those who have asked, here is the website for contributions to the Bales Family.  BALES LEGAL DEFENSE FUND

Army Staff Sergeant Robert Bales is now sitting in a holding cell on US soil awaiting a visit from his lawyers after being named as the soldier suspected of shooting 16 Afghan civilians. His name was released Friday, and with it a frenzy of media speculation about his four tours to Iraq and Afghanistan, failed or botched PTSD diagnoses, the undue pressures that may have been created by his financial woes and professional difficulties, and allegations that he has had run-ins with the law that reveal a challenge with anger management. Neighbors and fellow soldiers describe him as heroic and exemplary and demand that these allegations, if true, are a complete aberration from the man they know.

And yet in all this flurry and speculation, the only person I can think of is Karilyn Bales, his wife of seven years.

I combed through internet pages looking for the blog that Ms. Bales reportedly wrote, in an effort to get a picture of her military life experience. I was horrified to come across a comment from a poster identified only as “Afghanistan” in response to a comment Kari Bales made on an unrelated website. The comment said “It is strange to see a wife of a person who killed 16 innocent people, including 9 children, posted here… I hope justice serves well and he burns in hell.” Similar sentiments were easy to find in the comments on every major news story reporting the emerging details. And it sickened me. I thought about what her life on base must be like in these days. And I cried.

*   *   *

Dear Kari,

I can’t imagine the thud you felt in your heart and the ice that coursed in your veins when you heard a knock and saw a uniform standing at your front door. I can’t fully imagine the fear and the shock and the way that you couldn’t breathe as you thought about what this visit could possibly be about. Was probably about.

And then, the relief in your stomach that quickly turned to sickness when the shock wore off that your husband was alive, only to be told that something terrible had happened for which your husband was the primary suspect. Something very very horrible that you could never understand or imagine your husband, the father of your own children, embarking into the early morning hours to accomplish. I can’t imagine the questions that flooded your brain like a rush of moving water, threatening to drown you and offering no relief for a gasp of air.

What exactly happened? Has he been injured? Where is he now? Is he safe? When can I talk to him? When can I see him? Why can’t I see him? Am I in trouble? Is there anyone I can call? Is there anything I can say? Anything I can’t say? How do you know it’s really true? Do I hire an attorney … how much will that cost? Where will I get the money? Is he even getting a military paycheck now?

And I can only imagine what you felt as you stared blankly at the officer who arrived without any answers to give.

I can’t imagine the stress you were under when you were told that you needed to pack up your things and move onto the base for your own protection, a protection that meant you would be safe from the media but surrounded by people who stared and judged you. And I can’t imagine how that stress turned into shooting pain as you heard a baby down the hallway …

What will I tell the kids when they ask whether daddy is coming home? If they convict him, will he ever see them again? How will I explain what’s happening when people ask me questions in front of them? Will the media know before they do? How will I ever explain it to them if it’s true? How will I ever explain it if it’s not true and I don’t do everything in my power to prove it?

And when I thought of my own husband and my own children, and how devastating it would be, I sat at my own dinner table with my mother, another military wife, and we cried for you tonight, thinking about how alone and isolated you must feel right now …

Why is this happening? How could this happen … Was there something I didn’t see? What was in that last phone call, that last email, that I missed? Should I have begged him to stay home? Would it have made a difference? Why did they send him back again? Will they want to question me? Can I talk to anyone before I’m questioned? Did it even happen that way? Who can I talk to? Who can I trust? Who can hold me and cry with me and tell me that this is all just a bad dream?

Where will we go? What will we do? How long will this take? Who is going to take care of me? Of us?!

I just can’t imagine.

But Kari, in the absence of information, I can still offer you this: I want you to know that I don’t condemn you for being married to a man who has been accused, even though there will be venomous vipers spewing their hatred toward your entire family. I know that no matter what, it isn’t you. I know that there is nothing you could have done to prevent what happened. And I know you are hurting.

I’m praying for you. All of you.

Love,

Lori Volkman

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413 Comments (+add yours?)

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  3. Rose
    Jan 14, 2013 @ 20:01:09

    Kari,

    When I first heard the media reports of what your husband is alleged to have done, I was horrified. I still am, and the Afghan families affected have my utmost sympathies, and wishes for these wars to end. Some time later, I saw the interview you gave, and while I will admit I do not have the same faith of his innocence as you do, I fully support and respect your undying loyalty to him. You are what a true spouse should be. When you made your vows, to support him no matter what till death do us part, you meant it. He is your husband, the father of your children, and your paths are entwined as a result. You walk the same road together, for better or for worse, as long as you both shall live. Whatever happens to your husband, he can have at least one comfort in knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he has the most faithful, loyal wife anyone could ever wish for.

    Stay strong, and good luck.

    Reply

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  5. Debp
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 17:21:03

    where is all the sympathy for the Afghan families whose loved ones were all shot up by this sick maniac?????

    Reply

  6. burn the *unt
    Dec 11, 2012 @ 08:32:18

    I will pray for all the children whose homes were raided by a man with only bloodlust on his mind and then after they were exterminated their little bodies were set on fire. Can i donate to the fund? Here is my middle finger. If he is executed they should set his body on fire and then dump him at the roadside like he did to his innocent victims. Imagine for a second someone breaking into your home and then murdering YOUR family. You would probably say you can but you can’t. No-one can imagine something like that. Do you know that one of the children hid behind her father after he was shot and killed. And then she lay there unable to move for hours. Yeah, i wanna say something. I wish to donate as soon as you have a donation site. I wish to donate my middle finger.

    EDITOR’S NOTE: I edited the writer’s “name.” Also, this writer has a UK email address.

    Reply

  7. John Erickson
    Nov 30, 2012 @ 13:22:22

    I hope your readers are aware of your Twitter feed, so that they can find your article in the New York Times. Great work, Lori – I’m glad people are remaining interested in this story, rather than letting their attentions wander to what Lindsay Lohan is up to this week. Thank you for continuing to keep this brave woman, and this entire story, in the public eye.

    Reply

  8. Trackback: The Resilience of Sergeant Bales' Wife - NYTimes.com
  9. notimportant
    Aug 31, 2012 @ 18:48:48

    my prayers goes for her not dead civilians, they re not Americans so who cares…, we should focus on Kari’s state of mind which is far more important than grieving on subhumans and their babies

    i’m being sarcastic for you air headed americans, do you even know how painful it is to see your fellow countrymen decimated by nutcases and read your comments how about some words to the families of the victims? even Talibans didn’t destroy and kill as much as you did…

    As a kid born and raised in Jalalabad, i was never instructed nor interested to take away “your freedom”, and yet i still hear people saying ” they fight for our freedom”

    If i get angry, you freak out and feel threatened, wouldn’t you freak out if you re forced to flee your war torn hometown, fearing for your family’s safety ? But no you do not care, Kari’s stress level is far more important than the life thousand of us.

    I remember the day, the US decided to attack us because some egyptians ( not a government) flew planes into your twin towers, i was convinced that the world and the american people would never allow their government to harm us, but nobody stood up for us… We were guilty without trial and hundreds of thousands lost their lives, Afganistan will never see peace…

    Reply

    • Witch of Endor
      Nov 28, 2012 @ 11:01:13

      So much hurt, so much pain, so much anger. We are not all “air head Americans” by any means, and we do realize how much your people have suffered, but not always at American or Allies hands.

      Kari Bales is suffering also. She will be castigated for her husband’s actions as if somehow she, too, is to blame for what he did. Her children when they get older will have to deal with people who believe that their father is like a tar baby and everyone who has ever touched him is tarred with the same brush of blame.

      I don’t pray as prayer isn’t my belief. But I do offer to the universe my thoughts for your healing as I offer them for the Bales family and everyone caught up in this terrible, horrible, soul and body and mind destroying war.

      Reply

  10. Cindy
    Aug 28, 2012 @ 12:41:18

    I left a message way back when Lori did the interview, I was behind SST. Bales, Kari, their beautiful children then AND now, forever more!! My heart breaks for SST. Bales & family, do the hateful people that post VILE comments realize that soldiers were being deployed saying it helped PTSD?, the defense budget cuts have left THOUSANDS of veterans with NO JOB, NO HOPE, NO HELP!! Thanks for serving your country, now go live in a tent, try to provide for your family, go standi in line at a soup kitchen OH & we’re sorry that EVERYTHING you have been working your whole life for is GONE! Do the vile commenters know that the suicide rate of veterans have CLIMBED to an astronomical rate, 18, 19 a day, but the news isn’t going to share that information as it’s to inflammatory! I swear, I question GOD on many occasions (volunteering for thetruth365.org, shining a light on lack of funding for childhood cancer…..please feel free to sign the petition :) the greed of companies taking veterans GI BILL money, veterans not getting an education as FOR PROFIT SCHOOLS are stealing their money, the list is endless, so even though I question GOD a lot lately, I have prayed every morning & every night that SST. Bales is o.k., that Kari & their children have the support they deserve. I wish I could tell Kari that I WILL ALWAYS STAND BY HER HUSBAND & pray for them. I wish I knew how to convey to SST. Bales that I support him, as well as my husband who is a reservist & loosing his position due to “non-sustainable positions” being handed down the pipeline :( their isn’t a day that goes by when the Bale family are not on my thoughts & prayers, some of y’all probably think I’m pulling y’alls leg, but I still get emotional & teary eyed thinking back to when this “alleged” incident happen & how sorry I was, then & now that so many people vilified SST. Robert Bales & family. If GOD is listening to me while I’m e-mailing, I hope SST. BALES, KARI, their children, family felt a little lighter in spirit knowing somebody out here just asked GOD to let you know, y’all are not alone, EVER!! (sorry so long, I just needed to get that outta mem because if I knew of a way to help the Bales, I would fight for them as I’m fighting for children with cancer)

    Reply

  11. rowdyrowzeerants
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 15:58:49

    Kari,
    I think of you, your husband and your children often. I have no words that will truly comfort you. I cannot fathom what you are going through. I myself am an Army wife and my husband suffers from PTSD. After 7 deployments, an addiction to pain pills, and a terrible car accident, he was finally medically retired. Though, retirement does not STOP PTSD. I often wonder why they push these soldiers so far. I commend you for standing by your husband when he needs it most. Please know that there are lots of people standing by YOU.
    With love,
    Amy

    Reply

    • Anne
      Aug 08, 2012 @ 06:03:06

      Good morning

      Question .I also have a great deal of co,passion for those who fight for all our countries ,But question is .WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG TOO BRING ANY KIND OF RELIEF TO ANY ONE INVOVLED IN ANY KIND OF ACT IN YOUR COUNTRY .I WATCH ALL THE TIME FOR TRAILS ,CONVICTION FOR OR NOT AGAINST ANY OF THSES RIGHT OR WRONG CONVICTION .Lets take the officer who openly killed all those men in his care ,Where is he what is he doing now .now there is a open and shut case .So please leave this family alone .Call your first house second house and tell them too put this man in the electric chair ,for all his very open act .Sorry ,just get so tired of all the crying about this one man and not enough outpour for all those soldiers of war

      Reply

      • Lori Volkman @ Witty Little Secret
        Aug 08, 2012 @ 11:24:04

        I’m a lawyer, not a lawmaker. I can only tell you my personal experience using the system. The laws as they are written here favor the lowest common denominator. That is, they are purposely written to avoid corruption and minimize the trampling of constitutional rights. The time and expense is designed to guarantee the right to a fair trial. There are no guarantees and no system is perfect, but that is the way our justice system was designed. In my opinion and experience, mostly, it works.

        Reply

  12. Andrea Mikkelsen
    Aug 03, 2012 @ 03:03:32

    Dear Kari,
    It seems to have been awhile since the media has taken over your life and family (I hope). I think of your husband, family and you often. My heart hurts to imagine the pain you must feel on a daily basis. I too am a military wife, my husband has PTSD. After his last tour two years ago he still has not been himself, it feels like he never really came home. I pray for the silent ranks who are always on guard. I pray for you to stay strong. You are a beautiful women to stand by your husband.

    Reply

  13. Brandy Gale
    Jul 02, 2012 @ 05:44:58

    Supporting your man when not many do,shows a strength to be admired. You are an example.

    Reply

  14. Beth
    May 19, 2012 @ 17:49:00

    You are good kid, jep you did it again, Love you, hope to catch you on the tube tomorrow May 20th CBS 600 news, Ok I’s try!

    Reply

  15. Christy Armstrong
    Apr 13, 2012 @ 11:22:43

    As an army wife, every morning we wake brings a sigh of relief when we watch the news and realize that our husband has survived another night. Our hearts drop when we hear of 5 soldiers killed and names hadn’t been released. We go through the motions and although we don’t wish any ill will on any one else’s family, we pray that whatever tragedy has not come upon our husband, although we know that it will have been “somebody’s” husband. My heart aches for you and your family at this time. I pray for you and with you!

    Reply

  16. Navy Wife Chronicles
    Apr 11, 2012 @ 21:19:13

    My prayers are with Kari and her family. My prayers have always been for victims of this endless war.

    While I do not pretend to know what Kari is going through, I would be lying if I didn’t think about the possibility that it could have been someone we knew or, dare I say, my husband who has deployed so many times I have stopped counting. He has suffered a TBI and still suffers from PTSD. Victims of war are never those who started it.

    Reply

  17. Bethanne
    Apr 05, 2012 @ 12:22:30

    Prayers for you and yours, Kari.

    Reply

  18. Susan Pualani Alden
    Apr 04, 2012 @ 08:44:25

    Thank you, Lori, for this blog and for moderating this ongoing conversation. I find myself posting just beneath LTC Hoettel’s powerful comments. Ma’am, I think your comment “war kills the soul” is very relevant and true. I fully believe we, as a military community, as a nation, and as individual human beings must show deep compassion for ALL who are affected by the many atrocities of war. War is complex on every level- physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. In truth, war touches us all to some degree regardless of our professions, political affiliations, or opinions.

    While it is important to hold people accountable for their actions, we cannot expect our warriors to be unaffected by the ravages or war. I am a former soldier, military spouse, and am currently serving as a bridge between our military and civilian communities with my professional work.

    If you have interest to read a blog where I assert a different perspective on the “victims” of this tragedy, you can read a post I wrote shortly after the initial news was released. Check out “Can You Walk In Another Souls Boots?” at http://www.olalokahi.wordpress.com.

    http://olalokahi.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/can-you-walk-in-another-souls-boots/

    My deep love and heartfelt compassion go out to ALL the victims of this tragedy and particularly to the Bales, a fellow military family. I can hardly imagine the challenges you all are facing. Kari, I hope you continue to feel the loving waves of support. I know you, most of all, are holding up the world for your children, your husband, your in-laws and other extended family. You all are at the top of my prayer list for sure! I hope you can find some quiet time in every day to love and care for yourself!

    Many Blessings & Much Love,

    Susan Alden
    http://www.olalokahi.com

    Reply

  19. Just Avy
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 15:15:25

    Dear Kari,

    I do not pray very often, but tonight I will. I will pray for you, your children and your husband.

    I have absolutely no idea how you are coping with the events of the past few weeks, but I am certain that you are. If I have learnt anything from reading Lori’s blog it is this; military spouses are tough cookies. Somehow, somewhere you always find the strength to deal with what life throws at you.

    I am pleased that you take comfort from this blog and the overwhelming show of support from people you will probably never meet.

    Sadly war exists; and our loved ones must put the lives of others before their own, in order to protect the freedoms we have become accustomed to. Kari, I would like to thank you and every other military spouse out there,for the love and support you give to the people who chose to protect their countries, it is very much appreciated.

    I hope you continue to find strength and hope from this blog. Stay strong.

    – Avril

    Reply

  20. Elizabeth
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 14:51:42

    You are in denial. Your husband did what he’s accused of, he admitted it. How can you possibly think otherwise? These men are trained killers, does it really surprise you? I can’t believe you would stick by him after killing children, thank god they weren’t yours.

    Reply

    • April Moore
      Aug 28, 2012 @ 00:15:00

      RUTHLESS! My husband is a soldier. He has been for 13 years now and would not have it any other way. He is NOT a trained KILLER. He protects the lives of himself and his fellow soldiers. He does what he has to to keep them safe and ALIVE. He protects YOUR freedom of speach, and family. Next time you spew such hatred from your mouth you should first say thank you!
      Let me tell you about the lives soldiers lead. They spends WEEKS in the field training. Week in other states training and for schools. Their day starts at 6am if they are lucky to start after 5am. They dont get home until sometimes 9 or 10 at night. My husband personally has deployed five times now. FIVE TIMES in TEN YEARS. How much do you think they should have to do? How many times do you think seeing a child being tortured or killed, or having to shoot a family yourself because of their threat to us do you think these soldiers can take before they lose it? You can train and train, but you can NEVER PREPARE a soldier for what they might face.
      Her husband did admit. I do believe he is guilty. 100%. With that being said, do I think she and her children should be ounished because of his actions? NO. It was not their decisions, they had no idea and it was out of their control even if they did know. We are lucky to speak to our husbands more than once a week while they are gone. I support her in her decision 100% to stand behind her husband, even if he is guilty. She married him, she is an ARMY WIFE. We have been through hell and back and I wouldnt expect her to walk away. She in her heart knows what he has done. It is her job to walk beside him, to love and support him. Just as he has her. Do not ever judge someone elses life unless yours is perfect.

      Reply

      • Anne
        Aug 28, 2012 @ 12:25:38

        Just got finished reading your comment .I am a CANADIAN .just so you all know .I have heard more stories good and bad mostly bad ,as what goes on over there .I trully feel for that soldier and his family .He did ,what he was expected to do .I guess for me ,DO ALL OF YOU AMERICANS FORGET …911……..I sit sometimes and wonder ,what do they all want ,they want to be able to enjoy their freedom ,well he gives you that each day he is there he allows you too spend the day with your children etc,he can not ,he needs to be there .So before you all judge him wether he is guilty or not remember .he has seen more then most of us can imagine ,for me I want our boys out of there ,For all of you stop judging ,Tell your house senate etc ,You all,have so many .men sitting in their nice chairs in WASHINGTON,the one hand does not know what the other is doing .So here is my answer wether you like it or not I do not care ,America stay out of everyone elses lives ,if they want to kill one another let them do not send your husband brother ,etc over there too help them out, they are born too kill ,so we shall .KILLL OR BE KILLED ..I do not wish feed back from my comments .To end this I have a lot of AMERICAN FRIENDS AND FAMILY .I TELL THEM THE SAME THING ,MAYBE IF ALL OF American would mind their own country ,LIFE WOULD BE BETTER As always my thoughts and prayers are always with her and her family .they are helping your country ,So stop saying we are American the great and start showing all this love you all profess too have .GLAD I am a CANADIAN

        Reply

    • Lydia Nighswander
      Nov 30, 2012 @ 04:16:16

      I’m reading this article/reply for the first time in Nov. 2012 and my reply to the poster above is way too simple and I imagine won’t be understood, but I have to say it. My husband never served in a war. Neither did my son. I have always been a flag-waving patriot and remain so, no matter what, and have no way to thank those serving our country other than to stand behind the freedoms they’ve given their lives/hearts/families for.

      One of those freedoms is innocent until proven guilty. The other is the ability to be vocally Christian and not fear reprisal. As a Christian, who has been married to the same man for 37 years, I find the question (in various words) “how can you stand behind him/” to be ignorant of the covenant we who are married make when we say “I do.” Sgt. Bales is presumed to be innocent. For us to pronounce judgment and declare his guilt as well as the penalty we vengefully want cast upon him is a mockery of our justice system. For us to question why his wife will stand by him is asking her to break the covenant she made with him.

      Reply

  21. Sharon M.
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 13:58:41

    Kari- There are MANY of us who want you to know that we really do care about you and your children and, yes, your husband, and hope you can feel our love and support. Whether or not your husband committed the acts he is charged with we are grateful for his years of service and for your service and the sacrifices you have already made as a military spouse. I don’t know what else to say right now, except please don’t believe that the haters and the people who would vilify you and/or your children speak for anyone else except themselves.

    Reply

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  23. Army Sergeant
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 02:50:03

    For Kari,

    I’m a soldier. Or rather, I should say, I’m a veteran. It’s hard. When I talk like this, I forget I’m not still a soldier. I was medically retired for disability for my own PTSD. I was one of the lucky ones: I was financially able to take that retirement, and the subsequent pay cut, because of family support and the GI Bill.

    I didn’t talk about my PTSD for a long time. Not even to people I loved. Especially not to people I loved. Neither did a lot of my guys. I remember taking a call from one particularly clean-cut staff sergeant in the middle of the night. “I can’t tell my wife” he said on the phone. “She’s so clean, so beautiful. I can’t bring this to her. I can’t tell her what happened.”

    So don’t blame yourself for missing it, if in fact he does have PTSD (which is more likely after multiple tours). I would bet that it’s similar reasons.

    A lot of people are blaming your husband right now, before his trial, based only on news reports. Don’t listen to them. They’re using it as shorthand. They want to make a statement on the war, so they talk about how brutal this was. Or they want to make a broad differentiation between what they might ever do and what your husband is accused of.

    I’m up right now, after a long sleepless night, and I want to say: I’m sorry this is happening. We don’t know what happened, and we may never know. Everyone’s got an axe to grind in this. The Army, the Afghan government, everyone. Let it roll off you for now, and take care of your kids.

    And it’s okay to be angry, too. Angry, just a bit, for this happening, for being put in the middle of all of this. Angry for the losses in your family and your life, angry that you may lose your husband to a jail cell. It doesn’t make you a bad or unsupportive wife. It makes you human.

    (Please feel free to pass on my email address to Kari if she would like to talk to someone supportive.)

    Reply

    • Lori Volkman @ Witty Little Secret
      Apr 03, 2012 @ 10:28:05

      Thank you, sir. This is an eloquent and raw comment. I stared at it for a long time thinking about that staff sergeant who called you in the middle of the night, what that means, and what my job as a wife of a warrior must be. I will pass your information along to Kari. Thank you for writing.

      Reply

  24. The New Normal
    Apr 02, 2012 @ 20:35:40

    Dear Kari,
    I have been thinking about and praying for you, your children, and your husband. I cannot even begin to imagine what you have gone through and are continuing to go through. So many people have already said my exact thoughts, but I just wanted you to know that there is one more person praying for you. I just wish I could reach out and hug you and support you through these difficult times. My heart aches for you and all those involved, as do so many others as evidenced by these comments.
    Stay strong. Hugs to you!

    Reply

  25. herb
    Apr 02, 2012 @ 11:43:00

    ..it is so sad that only the living have the ability to suffer. i tried to read some of the comments, but mostly i cried so much, that i couldn’t read any more. life is such a situation that is impossible to understand. it seems to me that our world is being governed by adult men and women that have the emotional intelligence of 5 year olds.

    Reply

  26. Liz Burnside
    Apr 02, 2012 @ 09:35:24

    Bless your heart, Kari. Try not to think too far ahead. Just for today. We’re all thinking of you.

    Reply

  27. Dale Buck
    Apr 02, 2012 @ 08:08:38

    I want to thank you for highlighting what many of us feel in our hearts regarding
    the tragedy that took place in that little village in Afghanistan. It is shocking and
    yet it seems inevitable at some point given the stress involved with multiple deployments and the horrors of war that these soldiers are required to stow in their
    minds. It has to give us pause as a nation when we evaluate our commitments
    to these honorable young men and women. My heartfelt sympathies go to Ms. Bales and her family, and I hope the lessons of this tragedy help us all to move forward.
    Dale Buck, ………. Ridgefield

    Reply

  28. Jen
    Apr 01, 2012 @ 20:30:27

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones. I don’t know what all you are going through but I only can imagine. I have read about the horrors of war and the effect it has on our dear soldiers. My father-in-law was a medic in Vietnam and to this day he still can hardly speak about it, and when he does tears stream down his face. A family friend of ours lost his life in Afghanistan, but I firmly believe he is in Heaven now, safe from this world. I guess what I am trying to say is that our soldiers sacrifice so much for us. If in fact it is true what your husband is accused of -what he did is wrong and he will have to answer for it but I also believe sometimes a person can experience so much bad things (such as war) that they snap and you wonder if they even knew what they were doing. Like they lose reality. I think it sadly can happen to any one of us. May you find comfort in our God and your loved ones and may you find the strength to carry you through this trial. God be with you.

    Reply

  29. Heather
    Mar 31, 2012 @ 19:30:41

    Now that I am done reading all the GOOD and BAD comments I will add mine. I do not know what you are going through or how you are handling this situation but I pray you find peace. I hope that you can find a way to heal the hurt that you and your family have endured. I am a military spouse myself and my heart hurts for everyone involved. Ignore the hate becaues they have nothing better to do than try and bring you down. Keep looking forward and trust in God and he will help you through! Much love….

    Reply

  30. Kristi Kille
    Mar 31, 2012 @ 15:47:10

    I have a question. Since I ended up sending two letter to Sgt. Bales—one to one military prison at Ft. Leavenworth and another letter (with more stuff added to it) to the correct military prison—and thank you, Cassandra for the correct address—if, and when, he responds, would it be all right if I post a comment on here saying that he did respond, how he’s doing, etc.? Or would you prefer that I don’t? I did mention a little bit about this blog in my letter to him, as well as his wife reading these comments. I’m offering to do this because I don’t know how difficult it is for her to find out anything about him and if she knows I got a response from him, she has every right to know what he’s said because she is his wife and his best friend. God bless both of them!!!

    Reply

    • Ann S
      Apr 03, 2012 @ 10:40:06

      Kristi, as noble as your intentions are I would not post anything received from SGT Bales. Coming from a law enforcement background, I will say that it will be a long shot that his attorney would let him respond. This is for good reason. There are so many simple things that can be taken out of context and messages being sent by less than admirable intentions. The point I am trying to get to is that if he has a good defense attorney he would never let him reply to those due to the ongoing investigation and take the chance of having it somehow hurt his defense. The same concept would be used for Mrs. Bales also.

      In no way am I say that they shouldn’t be sent, but that hopefully he will get to read them for support and even knowing they may never get a response.

      Prayers to the Bales family and those around them.

      Reply

  31. Willette
    Mar 31, 2012 @ 12:24:20

    Wow, Jackie, you’re pretty venomous, aren’t you? Attacking Kari Bails for her children being alive, warm, and she isn’t starving? No one is denying what happened was tragic. Why attack Kari and her family like that? What if had been YOUR husband? Would you want support or hate?

    Reply

  32. Alli
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 21:49:17

    Hi Kari,
    I’m having another sleepless night in my wonderful base housing and thinking about you! I continue to pray for you, Robert and the kids. Stay strong and continue to support your husband in the way that only you can. Many times my husband referred to me as his lifeline when he was on deployments. I was his only connection to his former life, the one he had worked so hard to build. You are now Roberts lifeline more than ever. Please let him know that he has people who are praying for him and all of you. Sleep well my friend and if you ever want to email me you can. I have a husband with 4 tours, many years of service and we live on a base with our children.
    Hugs,
    Alli

    Reply

  33. Barbara
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 21:16:07

    Dear Kari:
    I am not a military wife nor do I have any family member in the military at this time. But I do know that it is because of your husband and all the other men and women who serve in our military that we have THEM to thank for all the freedoms we have in the USA. These men and women and their families sacrifice so very much.

    I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you, your husband and your children during this difficult time. I love the way the military families stick together and have each other’s backs. Just know that there are others out there who are pulling for you too.

    You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.
    Barbara Wilhelm

    Reply

  34. Camille
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 18:46:54

    Dear Kari, I too have thought about commenting for some time but I feel I don’t know how to put down the words I want to say. I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling right now but I want you to know there are many of us praying for you and your family. I pray that you may have thick skin when it comes to the ignorance of others who simply do not and will not ever understand. I am married to a veteran of the army who has been diagnosed with PTSD. I have lived through the horrors of flashbacks. If I shared what I have been through I know there would be ignorance as well. People do not understand the horrors our soldiers go through and the price they pay dearly for their sacrifice. It is easy to become angry at those who just don’t understand. I do not know your husband or his story in life but my heart goes out to him and what he must be experiencing. In my eyes he is a hero for enduring the military life and the tours of duty as well as you. I truly believe that people should not sit back and judge on something they have no knowledge on. I pray that the government will take a stand on the issues our soldiers deal with and make changes so that no other family has to endure what your family is enduring. Kari may you be granted strength everyday.

    Reply

  35. Holly
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 20:50:48

    I will send you a hug everytime I think about you! keep your chin up.

    Reply

  36. Jackie
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 17:40:49

    Here are the REAL victims of this crime. NINE of them were toddlers. ONE of them was a six month old child who started crying in fear, only to have this man put his gun in her mouth and shoot. Kari Bales is sitting in a warm room somewhere with her very alive children. I can tell from what I’ve seen of her on television that she isn’t exactly wanting for food, either. I wonder if any of you who are flocking to write letters to this woman and her evil husband have bothered to write letters to the survivors of this massacre? Or is it that you don’t see them as actual humans?

    The dead:
    Mohamed Dawood son of Abdullah
    Khudaydad son of Mohamed Juma
    Nazar Mohamed
    Payendo
    Robeena
    Shatarina daughter of Sultan Mohamed
    Zahra daughter of Abdul Hamid
    Nazia daughter of Dost Mohamed
    Masooma daughter of Mohamed Wazir
    Farida daughter of Mohamed Wazir
    Palwasha daughter of Mohamed Wazir
    Nabia daughter of Mohamed Wazir
    Esmatullah daughter of Mohamed Wazir
    Faizullah son of Mohamed Wazir
    Essa Mohamed son of Mohamed Hussain
    Akhtar Mohamed son of Murrad Ali

    The wounded:
    Haji Mohamed Naim son of Haji Sakhawat
    Mohamed Sediq son of Mohamed Naim
    Parween
    Rafiullah
    Zardana
    Zulheja

    Reply

    • Lori Volkman @ Witty Little Secret
      Mar 28, 2012 @ 19:16:42

      Jackie – if you read further I think you will find lots of sentiment, prayers, and messages for the Afghan victims.

      Reply

    • Annie Rae
      Mar 28, 2012 @ 20:59:52

      No one here is forgetting the victims, but I for one would prefer to you take your hate somewhere else. Hate begets hate, and it’s that emotion that leads wars. Love begets love, so perhaps if we all find some love in our hearts for EVERYONE then the wars would end, and soldiers wouldn’t be needed anywhere

      Reply

    • Cindy
      Mar 28, 2012 @ 21:15:34

      Dearest Kari,
      I wanted to tell you that some people comment on what the “medis” says happened & don’t realize that YOU are a victim as well. I’m appalled by the lack of concern of these “hateful people” that could go to any other site to spew their hatred on something that they don’t have a clue what really happened? I pray for your family every night as well as the victims of the “alledged” murder. I’m so thankful that Lori sent you that letter, you couldn’t have a better person in your corner! I hope that you can pass over the negative commentators & concentrate on the positive side because of the courage of Lori to speak out, her blog lets people give support to you, your husband & family. There are more

      Reply

    • Kristi Kille
      Mar 29, 2012 @ 00:00:24

      Jackie,

      Among the victims, you forgot to mention Kari’s name as well as Sgt. Bales himself. He is a victim of all the horror he’s had to witness and experience during his deployments. He is a victim of the Army because they re-deployed him, knowing his past injuries.

      God bless all the victims of this disaster and may Almighty God have Mercy on them!!

      Reply

    • Heather
      Mar 31, 2012 @ 19:26:15

      I understand your reasoning for posting the victims names or whatever but were you there? Did you hear that baby cry? Did you see how she, or any of them were killed for that matter? You were not there so do not make it sound like you witnessed it first hand because you did not. Are you a military spouse? Just curious…And yea I agree, hate begats hate! Take it somewhere else.

      Reply

    • ARMY WIFE ARMY LIFE
      Jul 17, 2012 @ 12:37:40

      How very narrow minded of you. If you don’t support Ms. Bales, then why are you even on this page? Have you ever heard of be nice or go away? Heaven forbid anyone YOU know commit a crime. Would you want to judged as harshly? Do you know these people personaly, were you there? Are you a reporter that was on sight? Or are you getting all of your information from the media? Think about it. Seriously. Does the soldiers children need to suffer if he actually did this? Do they need to have that label on them for the rest of thier lives?

      Reply

      • Lori Volkman @ Witty Little Secret
        Jul 17, 2012 @ 22:22:58

        I love love LOVE that people are, after all this time, still reading this post, still commenting (even the good and the bad), and still interested in Kari Bales. Thanks for your support Army Wife. That’s an amazing list of questions. I’m a prosecutor … I know some people who have committed crimes. I can tell you lots about their kids and spouses.

        Reply

    • Lydia Nighswander
      Nov 30, 2012 @ 04:28:11

      How cruel you are, Jackie. I will pray that the hatred in your letter, the hatred that has caused you to attack another person (one you have never met and do not know) with the underhanded “bullets” you’ve shot (about her weight, about her seemingly safe and warm life, etc.) can be lifted from your heart by One who is the Ultimate Judge, who will ask us to all face Him for our sins (and in His eyes, your sin of hatred is just as horrific as the sins of whoever killed those people).

      Reply

  37. chambanachik
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 11:58:28

    Kari-
    I hadn’t commented yet, because I felt like everything I wanted to say had already been said. The truth is, I feel the way so many other military wives are feelings for you- we want to give you a hug. We understand that you are just like us and that your family is just like our family. You are braving your way through something much different than a deployment, but you have so many people keeping you, your husband, and your children in their prayers. No matter what happens in the future, I hope you can come back to these comments as a virtual FRG of supporters. We all ache for what has happened, and we all hope the best for your family.
    -Erika
    chambanachik@gmail.com

    Reply

  38. Trackback: Kari Bales Speaks to Supporters « www.wittylittlesecret.com
  39. Wanda Lynn Reed Wood
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 00:21:09

    I am married to a Viet Nam Vet, also. He has been down the road of being accused of acts he never done. I not only feel empathy for Kari; I feel deep empathy for her husband. I pray for him, Kari and their families.

    Reply

  40. Mary E. Hoettels, LTC, Retired
    Mar 27, 2012 @ 20:25:57

    Dear Kari,

    You and your husband and children are in my prayers.

    I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling and how you are coping.

    War kills the soul. I am sure your husband’s goodness in his soul was struggling with his heart and intellect. The conflict is great. Our soldiers are well trained but no one can predict the one trigger that can push one over the edge. It has nothing to do with integrity or bravery – it has everything to do with being a human being.

    My husband served two tours in Viet Nam but the flashbacks began about 20 years late after the Tet Offensive. He was a nurse in Bone Marrow Transplant where patients were crashing and dying – just like at the Pleiku hospital where he was stationed. He became someone neither I nor the children recognized. There was no recognition of PTSD at that time. His brother got him to a Vet Center and he survived, not the same to be sure. He lost his job because of his inability to perform.

    We as a society are sacrificing wonderful military men like your husband and women. The sad part is that we keep doing the same thing over and over and never learn from our past mistakes.

    I want you to know there are many of us who support the innocence of your husband. We come from several wars back, but want you to know we respect and love your family – even though we have not met any of you.

    Bill and I are both Army Veterans, so I write to you as both a wife and veteran. Our two daughters are in the military. One just joined the Coast Guard; the other has been in over 15 years ( combination of Army and Air Force )and has had three deployments. We also have two sons. All four were affected by the years Bill struggled with his PTSD. It is okay to get counseling for them and yourself. You need the love and support of family and friends, but an objective counselor can help you deal with your stress and emotions in a healthy way.

    As soon as you have a donation site, let me know. I would like to send you money to help with expenses.

    Sincerely,

    Mary E. Hoettels
    hoettels@att.net
    Wisconsin

    Reply

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