One Lucky Lady

As many of you know, the adrenaline ran out sometime around Monday, and I’ve been engaged in OPTCOS for a couple of days. While I’ve been at home recuperating from my battle with all things chaotic, I’ve had time to think. I’ve mentally laid bare the worries and troubles of this mobilization, and in the stark light of day, I can clearly see one very important thing: my house is an absolute filthy wreck.

overcome by laundryIn reflecting upon what a stunning example of motherhood I must be, and being a true optimist, I came to an important conclusion:  Preschooler’s future wife is one lucky lady. Because really, what I am doing is important work. I’m paving the way for future generations, here. What better gift could I possibly give to my someday daughter-in-law than the non-existent expectations of a husband who was raised by a crazy mother willing to offer cheese sticks and goldfish on a paper plate as “dinner” when the dishes were piled too high to be overcome?

overcome by dishesThe Preschooler will have such low expectations of his future bride that his matrimonial life is sure to be wedded bliss.

Future wife will never have to put away laundry. The Preschooler is already accustomed to searching through “the clean mound” for his daily underpants. Future wife will have the luxury of making PB&J for at least three meals in a row in order to appease the hungry Preschooler. And “grilled PB&J” will not even constitute a repeat since that’s “different from a regular PB&J.” Most importantly, future wife will never, EVER have to keep up with the mail or organize important papers. Point of fact, Preschooler would probably be disappointed if there were not mounds of paper for his Future Children to play in.

billsMy generosity is truly befuddling.

In the meantime, I am left to wrestle with the logical dilemma that stems from this epiphany: Sweet Pea’s Husband is really screwed.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dani
    May 28, 2013 @ 00:18:06

    God bless you!!! Here I am, depressed about my filthy house and giving my niece waffles all day, and you helped me smile 🙂 I don’t know you, but boy do I love you lol thank you, thank you, thank you


  2. Kenny Boucher
    Nov 17, 2011 @ 18:15:46

    Lori, your writings are so imaginative and enjoyable! My wife and I live in DuPont, WA, next to Fort Lewis. We have seen many comings and goings in the eight years we have lived there. The struggles and trials that military spouses go through are truly unappreciated by the majority of Americans. Inevitably, something like the washing machine breaks down as soon as Spouse leaves for 12-15 months. Your writing style reminds me of Patrick F. McManus and his books such as, “They Shoot Canoes Don’t They?”. I just ran across your website reading my latest “Reader’s Digest” and started from the beginning. I hope you continue writing even after Husband returns home! God bless you and your family!


    • Lori Volkman @ Witty Little Secret
      Nov 17, 2011 @ 20:47:19

      Wow, thanks Kenny! You’re right … so much goes unappreciated. As the RD article about Ms. Obama points out, for whatever reason spouses are not likely to ask for help. I’m so glad you found me. And I will keep writing. My world doesn’t really make sense without it.


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  6. DogBoy
    Oct 22, 2010 @ 10:41:59

    You really punched that line.


  7. Expat Girl
    Oct 22, 2010 @ 08:08:12

    Haha I can always rely on you for a daily giggle!


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