Craigslist is for Winners!

Below is an excellent Craigslist posting for your Friday entertainment. Wow, I’m just so shocked that this guy is still single at age 48.

This post appeared in the “Men Looking For Women” section for the Portland metro area just yesterday. I’m guessing he either never took and/or failed his persuasive writing classes in college.

Note that there are two lists of “attributes” here. The first one appears to be all of his negative qualities. The second one however is titled “the flip side” and appears to be a second list of negative qualities. I sure hope he didn’t pay much for that persuasive writing class.

Maybe he could date Lindsay Lohan! I hear she’s going to be busy and relatively independent for the next 30 days.

Have a great weekend and check back Monday to view my newest blog addition:

a music player! (I couldn’t wait … it’s Friday … it’s up! Let me know what you think … taking requests!)


Date: 2010-09-23, 3:51PM PDT

Reply to: [hidden]


Geeze, from the reports I’ve seen from various women, it seems like a lot of the guys around here Just Plain Suck. I may not be the Catch of the Day, but I believe that I can safely say that I don’t suck, at least not as bad as what I’ve been reading around here.

For the record:

1) I do what I say I’ll do, when I say I’ll do it. If I don’t show up for a date, please check the local hospitals to see if I’ve been in an accident.
2) I pay my way. I have not bounced a check ever.
3) I have my own place and my own vehicles(yes…3 of them), all of which are in good working order.
4) I only fondle women who want to be fondled (by me), and only in appropriate places at appropriate times.
5) I am honest. ( Women say they want this, but most are unwilling to accept the truth, which encourages lies. Most just want us to tell them what they want to hear. I don’t play that game. Don’t ever ask me if I think you’re fat unless you’re either 100% convinced that the answer is “no” or if you’re comfortable hearing “yes.”)
6) I’m an active person who does not like to sit still very long. I like movies, but I don’t watch TV, and I don’t have a lot of respect for people who do. (Speaking of which, I don’t believe in “BBW’s.” Big is not beautiful, it’s unhealthy, and no amount of political correctness will change that. Please don’t send me hate mail about it, either, just do some reading in ANY medical journal about the health consequences of obesity. I’m not perfect, either, I could stand to drop probably 15lbs, but if you can’t run at least two miles without calling an ambulance, you’re definitely not my type.)
7) I don’t do any drugs, and I don’t smoke. I don’t really care if you smoke pot, but don’t expect me to partake with you. I drink occasionally, but only socially and I’m kind of a lightweight. Oh, and manliness be damned: I drink fru-fru drinks.

On the flip side:

1) I’m very selfish with my free time, because I don’t have much of it. If you’re particularly cool, then I’ll probably want to spend a fair bit of it with you, but chances are you’ll still be disappointed at how much time I can afford to dedicate to you. If you’re a remarkably independent woman who keeps herself occupied most of the time, then we would probably get along great and be able to have some fun from time to time.
2) I did not inherit a single copy of the Witty Conversation gene from either parent. I did, however, inherit two copies of the TMI gene and the Socially Crippling Faux Pas gene. I have a minimum quota of one incredibly nerdy statement or action per conversation, and I rarely fail to meet my quota. If you are homozygous for the recessive Tolerance of Social Awkwardness gene, we’ll get along great. Extra points if you know what “homozygous” means without looking it up.
3) Finally, the ultimate kiss of death to any potential dates I might have: I do get along with my ex, but i dont still screw her, and we’re geographically separated by thousands of miles. I could easily say “I’m single” and nobody would ever know the difference, but I must refer you back to #5 on the above list of my personality traits. If you’re still reading at this point… I’m impressed.

Sooo… good thing this is free, ‘cuz I don’t actually expect to get much response to this. Honestly, it’s more of a response to some of the ladies’ ads I’ve been seeing here than anything. Ladies, you seriously need to institute a minimum tooth-to-tattoo ratio or some other sort of screening protocol! I may not be a great catch, but it sounds like you’re going out with some real minnows!

Oh, yeah… I guess I should say something about what I’m actually looking for, just in case you’ve actually made it to this point. You probably wouldn’t be surprised to hear that I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now. I’m primarily looking for people with whom I can just go out and have fun, go to an occasional movie, go have a drink, or go hiking, biking, etc. If I don’t get anything other than somebody to go shoot the breeze with for a while, I’ll be thrilled. That said, I’m still a guy, and thus my second brain remains dominant over the first brain most of the time, so, heck… send me a pic and I’ll send you mine (recognizable).

  • Location: PDX
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Amy
    Mar 02, 2011 @ 21:50:32

    Soooooooo…. my question is…. why were you looking through the singles ads? LOL!

    He sounds like quite a “catch”. Thank God I am already married.


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