Between Protest of the Month Club members Egypt, Libya, and Bahrain, there’s a lot going on over where my guy is. But ever since my boycott of the news in an effort to maintain my sanity, I’ve found that there are real life events going on around us every day that are actually way, way, WAY scarier than what is going on in the rest of the world.
* Somehow I foolishly gave up caffeine for Lent. I know, this is supposed to be something that makes us remember the suffering of Christ. This is why I chose caffeine. But does it have to HURT so bad? Also, FYI, green tea is not caffeine-free and neither is decaf. Stupid lawyers and their precise thinking skills.
* I made the massive rookie parenting mistake of the year by referring to the television as a “boob tube” in front of The Preschooler. Why yes, he is the one who relishes every curse word sound-alike or veiled reference, and repeats them at the most inopportune moments. I’m making a list of the potential locations/situations he’s waiting for to republish this word so that I can be absent. Current leaders on the list include Sunday School promotion day and first day of Kindergarten.
* On our way through the channel lineup on our way to SpongeBob or iCarly, we happened upon the critically acclaimed performance of Robert Downey, Jr. in his infamous 80’s flick, Less Than Zero. Why this is on at 7pm anywhere remotely near the Nickelodeon and Disney channels is beyond me. It happened to be the post-passout closeup of his coked-out face, complete with puke remnants and blueish lips. I flipped onward as fast as my motherly fingers could carry me, but it was not fast enough. Horrified, The Preschooler inquired. Dang it.“What’s wrong with THAT guy?” “Drugs.” (Hoping that ends the conversation) “Oh. What’s drugs?” “Bad poison stuff people take sometimes.” “Oh. Why?” (Sheesh.) “Mostly because their friends tell them to.”
The Preschooler’s teacher reports that this week he was overheard MANY times telling his friends, “Hey guys. Do NOT drink drugs!” So remember that, kiddies. Do NOT drink your drugs.
* It is wet here in the Pacific Northwest. That makes floors slippery, sometimes. And it’s easy for people to fall sometimes. It happens. I’m sure it happens to lots of people. Fine, I fell at the daycare entrance, landed flat on my back, and could not get up. But none of that was anywhere near as embarrassing as asking my kids for help, which led to them calling out, “help me get my mom up!” which caused two adults rushing to the scene. One of them was the daycare director, who knows I’m a lawyer. She looked at me both fearfully and suspiciously. After I promised not to sue, she laughed nervously. I tried explaining to the other adults that came subsequently running what a frozen shoulder was, but it didn’t really work out that well for me. I just looked like the 95-year-old lady in the “I’ve fallen” commercial.
* My kids were invited to a “Fancy Nancy” dress-up tea party and somehow ended up looking more like gangsters than cute little kids going to eat crumpets (or fruit on a stick). But hey, who knew you could do so much with an old beauty pageant dress, a free Lancome bag, scratched sunglasses, and a skull robe?
* Finally, the scariest thing that happened this week … and my St. Patty’s day tip for all of you for next year:+ Green eggs + Green milk + Whatever green stuff they served at school ================================ = green poo.