My New Year’s Revolution

2011

resolution

As a lawyer for our local government, I write resolutions from time to time. These are not friendly little lists of hopes meant to invite a symbolic new year of permanent change in girth, perspective of egotistical self, or eradication of mental slack. No, in this context the word resolution is intended to mean “reducing a complicated theory to simple form.”

 Hah.

 Believe me readers, these kinds of resolutions that lawyers write are things you never ever want to be forced to read. Though most legal drafters have finally dispensed with the archaic “party of the first part” repertoire, there are still far too many terms foist upon non-legal readers which resemble disastrous syntactic amalgamations. Case in point, that was a thirty-three word sentence for the concept “lawyers are too wordy.” (But it was a lot prettier, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?)

The point is, there remains in my toolbox this list of painfully contrived machinations like “wherefore” and “whereinas” and the dreaded “heretoforinafter” which I am forced to use from time to time. Because that last word is actually a shortened way of saying “for the rest of the document as used solely within this document it shall be called something shorter for convenience.” But who gets that? Why don’t we just say “from now on?”

The only logical answer is that these words were created and adopted at a time when some chubby guy in a white wig contemplated a show of force against the commoners, didn’t have the brawn, and used the only weapon at his disposal: a dippy fountain pen with a big fluffy feather. Point of fact, even in modern day lawyering these words have become self-serving vehicles of job security. Think about it: it takes one lawyer to write it, one lawyer to read it, two lawyers to fight over enforcing its terms, and one or more former lawyers turned judge or justice to decide the outcome of the fight.

 But it’s the other meaning – “an expression of determination” – which is conjured up each New Year’s Day as we make our list of annual goals. But why? Why do I want to express my determination?

This year, I really don’t want to follow that fat old white guy around any more. I want to fight back. I’m sick and tired of writing things down that I want to do. Any list I make will just look like a to-do list, and I have plenty of lists in my life already. These aren’t helpful … they serve only as reminders of my self-inflicted failures as each day goes on and they are not accomplished.

So screw expressions of this sort. I don’t want it, I tell you. It’s time to break with the tradition of heretoforinafterwards, fluffy pens, and fluffy words for the sake of job security. I want brawn. I want action. I want movement. I want … REVOLUTION! Because Revolution is rotation. Revolution is completion of a course. But most of all, Revolution is a sudden radical change. And that’s what I want. A sudden, radical change.

So that’s it. This year, I’m looking for change and movement. And this year, I’m ready for it. And you know, there’s just one word, one very powerful word, that adequately expresses this concept – and it fully and succinctly responds to all 550 of the words I’ve already written above:

hooah oorah urah

revolution

 

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lilly S Emery
    Dec 31, 2011 @ 23:01:14

    This New year ;
    I am going to make good changes for my life, I want to get closer to God Jehovah , and his son Jesus Christ are saveure, I will take better care of my self ,so I can be around lot longer to see my kids and grandkids grow! God bless all and all have a safe New Year !
    Lilly ,E

    Reply

  2. Gail
    Dec 29, 2010 @ 21:17:42

    Hoo-rah!! All the way!…

    I can’t believe I just used this same “term” – or shall we say “emotion” – in my note to you! – – (And you were right, I DID get a chuckle!)
    Thanks!… again. 🙂

    Reply

  3. Mom
    Dec 29, 2010 @ 10:14:50

    As usual, I disagree with your dad! Revolution is exactly what is needed to start some momentum! Change is radical, and revolutionary! And I am all for it….even if I do make a few lists of things I want to revolutionize along the way. Hoo-rah! Go for it!

    Reply

  4. DogBoy
    Dec 29, 2010 @ 08:51:00

    Muster the forces! We begin hereafter!

    Reply

  5. JuliAnne Forrest
    Dec 29, 2010 @ 07:10:21

    LMAO! This is beautiful and I’m up for a revolution anyday. In the words of William Wallace – FREEDOM!!!! and of course, Hoo-rah!

    Reply

  6. The Dad
    Dec 29, 2010 @ 06:05:18

    Dear Daughter – From one chubby ole’ white guy, those who propose radical change are viewed askance and labeled heretic! We prefer evolution which allows for control – and we know how important that is. Being the proverbial Sci-Fi nut, I quote Paul Muadib (Dune) who said, “He who controls a thing has the power to destroy a thing.” And that is why chubby ole’ white guys with drippy fountain pens with fluffy feathers don’t like revolutionaries – because if they do gain control, they gain the power to destroy that which gives them great distress.

    So get back to your lists. It’s genetic – you can’t fight it. Thereforehereinafterthylife, you might just as well let go and flow with the genetic code. HOO RAH! as you check ‘em off.

    Reply

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