Dear Grocery Clerk,

I am extremely sorry and remorseful for causing damage to your pen-thingy. I hope it will reattach.

But there really should be a limit on the comments grocery store clerks can make. A code of ethics, perhaps. Or maybe a professional code of clerk conduct. Do you guys have a document that outlines the grocery clerk minimum standards?

Because when I unload my cart onto the belt, slapping each item down like it just insulted me, you should probably think about what you are going to say next. Chances are that I do not want to discuss the contents I have just assaulted, particularly when they include super-sized tampons, pads thicker than a first year law book, chocolate bars, chocolate chips, chocolate coated pretzels, chocolate syrup, chocolate ice cream, Advil, Doritos, and two sappy DVD’s. Chances are there’s nothing you can say about your observations concerning your sister or your mom that I will find funny. In fact, right after you snicker at my tampon coupon, you should probably not speak at all. I realize you’re probably only like twelve or something, but that was your own rookie mistake.

Anyway, hopefully the approval screen on the card reader isn’t permanently damaged. Thank you.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

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  3. Paul Wynn
    Jan 26, 2011 @ 09:57:58

    oh man… umm i wish I can say something to persuade you that the grocery clerks don’t mean it but some people are not that bright…. I’ve been a grocery clerk for many years and I will tell you first hand that I did that once and a customer put me in my place … never again did I attempt that. Thank you for the inspiration… time to write!


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  5. Courtney
    Oct 15, 2010 @ 12:12:05

    Love it, Love it, LOVE IT!


  6. niccolew
    Oct 09, 2010 @ 13:59:33

    It was about 2:00 in the morning. Terry and I were 20, freshly married, and at Winco. On our conveyor belt was a box of tampons and some condoms. Grocery clerks are NOT supposed to talk to their customers so she obediently looked right past us and started a conversation with the people in line behind us. “If they’re buying this (pointing to the pregnancy test) don’t you think it’s probably a little late for those.”


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