Wow, you guys really like your poo. Readership tripled yesterday on the poo-eating story. I’ll remember to write about poo more often. It is second in ratings only to the description of the Preschooler’s F-Bomb Attempt.
But be comforted. You’re not the only ones who like poo.
A friend asked to see my blog, and I had my Itouch with me, so I pulled the page up for her. Turns out Apple bought some new programming for mobile ads, so now various Google Ads scroll across the top of the page. The add read:
“Buy S.E.P. – Stop Eating Poop!”
Now, I know just enough about website crawlers to be dangerous, so I was fully aware that this wasn’t a coincidence. But it was still a little creepy, nonetheless – not to mention the bizarre content of the advert. So of course, I couldn’t help myself. I had to click on the link. Google, you win.
See, it turns out there is an actual term for eating one’s own poop: Coprophagia.
If you know my son’s real name … well, that irony just defies logic.
Anyway, I started thinking about whether or not that condition classifies as an actual bona-fide disorder. Because, you know, this is a big problem if it keeps Preschooler out of the college of his choice (what with him being such an Einstein and all). On the other hand, if we could get the pediatrician to confirm this rare but serious disorder in writing, maybe, just maybe, it would qualify as a disability under the ADA – maybe even give him an admissions advantage! Heck, even better, maybe there’s an organization with a fancy acronym, something like POOPED – People of Odd Poo Eating Disorders, which providess college scholarships to the disenfranchized poop eating people of the world.
But then I read a little further and realized it’s a condition applied to animals. According to Wikipedia, it primarily includes the fly, the guinea pig (really?), and most commonly, dogs. Of course, Preschooler thinks there’s a possibility that he could actually be a dog when he grows up. It’s one of the things on his list of potential future vocations, right alongside fireman and ninja. But still – whew, it’s somewhat of a relief knowing it applies to animals and not preschoolers. I was beginning to think there was an increasing phenomenon where toddlers were inextricably drawn to taste their own excrement, decide it was good enough to repeat, and do so often enough that mothers felt inclined to purchase a product to stop the behavior. I had already imagined the ingenius mommy who made millions inventing a product to eradicate poo tasting.
Call me crazy, but I’m thinking an infomercial would be a pretty bad idea.
So after that short commerical interruption from our regularly scheduled program, I returned to showing my friend the blog on my I-product. This time, a new add showed up … it was a remedy for distended bowel (in people this time). I hit refresh. The next ad was for 1-800-Petmeds. Refresh. Next, and this one’s the best … was an ad for Gerber Life Insurance. Their tagline on that ad should be, “because if you eat your own poop, your mom’s gonna kill you.”
So there you have it: Preschooler likes poo, Dogs and Guineas like poo, you like poo, and Google likes poo.
Viva La Poo!