Well, now. In case you’ve been living under a rock (or in China), let me be the first to tell you that two days after Husband was mobilized, nine U.S. Servicemembers were killed in a chopper in Afghanistan. This pleasant report was immediately followed by troop fatality roundups, and a reminder that this is the deadliest year for U.S. military deaths since the Twin Towers came down. Yay for mobilization!
After fielding ten questions from my five year-old that would put my least favorite law school professor’s socratic method to shame, I turned off the TV and reminded him (and myself) that Husband’s fate is completely out of our control and we must have faith. So for today’s post I’ve made a list of all the benefits I will experience by not watching or reading any news from now until October of 2011:
- No more guilt over giving my daughter the “talk to the hand” gesture when she comes to report the puncture wound she received at the hand of her brother, who is still wielding the tweezers and demanding that I refer to him only as Captain Weirdo Exacto Man.
- No more terror over garden variety weather events. I will be able to calmly walk outside without a $400 wind and water-resistant full length parka, and simply make a mental note of the limbs in my yard that need to be picked up, rather than hiding for twelve hours in the basement closet under the stairs in preparation for The Deadly Columbia Gorge Gust Disaster of 2010.
- Three Words: Wheel! Of! Fortune!
- No more frequent embarrassment over my hometown, which has an uncanny ability to generate nationally “newsworthy” characters that are destined to become reality TV stars. Both Tonya Harding and acid hoax victim-turned-self-perpetrator Bethany Storro live here. Yay for The ‘Couve!
- I will miss at least 80% of the upcoming political ads that almost promise to vaguely tackle the impossible, accuse opponents of being in bed (literally or figuratively) with someone they shouldn’t, and inadvertantly train my boy to end each sentence with, “I’m Captain Exacto, and I approved this message.”
I think there are probably more. Anything I missed, dear readers? Comments are now open …