Search Engine Comedy

One of the wonderful things about blogging is the administrative page of my WordPress website. It tells me how many visitors I have had, who has referred who to my page, who is subscribing, and which posts are most popular.

But one of the very best and most entertaining portions of that page, aptly named the “dashboard,” is the list of terms people have entered into their various search engines in order to get to my page. It’s great to see how you all end up here. I’m sorry I don’t have my blog attached to “wittylittlesecret.com” just yet. I see how many of you search me that way. But that wonderful innovation is coming soon!

I know that my pictures are popular, because I see all the search terms that direct to one of my images. Guinea pigs are popular. Veterans Day and the White Table was popular. And the kid pictures are popular – and not in a creepy way. They are search terms like “holding hands” or “sweet face” or, my personal favorite, “punk kid.” Working in a prosecutor’s office, I was horrified that pictures of my sleeping children would be leered at by weirdos. But I’m relieved to find that there aren’t any perved-out search terms I’ve found so far. (Of course, I just put all of those words in a single paragraph so now they will be coming here in droves.) I’d better put up a picture they will hate to deter them from ever visiting here again …

Now, what I think is most entertaining are the random search words that lead people to stories of mine. Before we go there, remember some of my stories … they involve things like poop-eating, stress-induced taco engorgement, violence towards Elmo, military oxymorons, death threats toward guinea pigs, and perhaps the most popular post of all-time, Preschoolers who use colorful expletives. But when I enter these search terms, I don’t get any of my blogposts on the first page. So I’m intrigued just how far and long these people are searching for answers to these questions. Now, I know you guys are out there on the internet, searching for real, valuable, practical advice. And I can’t imagine what would ever direct people here for real, valuable, practical advice. But still, they do get here.

So with that in mind, for your Friday entertainment, here is a list of some of my favorite search terms so far. If you are the one that entered this term and you are now reading your own search term in horror, I’m so very sorry. But dang. That’s funny.

BEST SEARCH TERMS LEADING TO WITTY LITTLE SECRET:

10. stinky laundry everywhere (Good to know I’m not alone.)

09. Revolution in my pocket (Ummm. Okayyyyeeeee …)

08. Do Tricare Cover tongue tie surgery? (I’m going with angry husband here.)

07. Earring with the big hole (Total wormhole sidetrack click. But what IS that thing called?)

06. Witty sleep with me lines (Bet he was disappointed to get here. This guy should talk to the guy in #8 above.)

05. How to handle crazy mums (Nice, so glad that directed you here.)

04. Why do I keep pooing my pants? (Maybe because you are asking the internet to solve your medical problems?)

03. Military piercings are hot (Huh. Who knew the military had its own piercing genre?)

02. new year new me whatever forget it (Why even hit return and go searching on this one?)

01. why i swear by the f word (If you swear by it, why can’t you type it? Huh? Huh?)

That’s all the commentary I have for today. Happy Friday, y’all.

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Search Term Madness « www.wittylittlesecret.com
  2. Trackback: Hiatus « Witty Little Secret
  3. Kat
    Jan 23, 2011 @ 11:12:57

    My students call the earrings with the big holes “gauges”. And I know I’m showing my age, but WHY? WHY do they want big ole holes in their ears?

    And you are one of my favorite crazy mums. :-)

    Reply

    • wittylittlesecret
      Jan 23, 2011 @ 22:10:31

      I know, right? When you say “mum” it just sounds so much more sophisticated. So glad you are cool enough to know what the hole-thingys are called. I will try to use it in a sentence this week.

      Reply

  4. Stacey
    Jan 23, 2011 @ 08:59:41

    I love looking at search terms people use to find sites. They’re hilarious. I’ve had a couple different blogs in the past. I think my favorite search term was something along the lines of “camping with homeless people.”

    Reply

  5. Amy
    Jan 21, 2011 @ 06:18:56

    #4 is gonna make me laugh so hard that I wake someone up. Then it will be all your fault. And the guy or gal who searched it.

    Someone searched my name and boobs once and came to my blog. I have no clue how and I am sure they were looking for the hot yoga instructor’s boobs. Not this mom of 4. Lol

    Reply

  6. Gail
    Jan 21, 2011 @ 05:41:47

    OMG… Thank You, Thank You for the laughs!! The great big, slap-your-hand-on-the-table belly laughs. I love YOUR “Top Ten List” (Letterman would be proud) Your Witty remarks are fabulous! Thanks for not keeping them your “Little Secret”.
    You are hysterical! (Not to be confused with HyStERiCaL) What a talent. I always look forward to reading your posts. Thanks for sharing!
    . . . and another week passes …….. Happy Friday! :-D

    Reply

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